Cant you See My Walls Are Crumbling?

This week has been an interesting one. Alot of Ups and downs.

So much happened last year that i am still dealing with, that i still think about everyday. I am scared that it might repeat its self. I am feeling very scared and lost and confused, all at once. There is so much i cant stop thinking about, and this week has been especially hard. I wish i could talk about it. I wish some one actually cared about what was going on or how i feel about things right now. But i feel like no one does. So i try to push everything to the back of my mind so i can try and be happy when im around everyone.

This week alot of people werent very nice. I am sick and tired of being put down. Or made fun of. No one understands how much certain subjects hurt me. My Health or anything that has to do what has happened in the last year and Suicide are the two topics that people should avoid when they are around me. Those are the two most sensitive subjects, and a few people this week who know that just turn it around and use it to hurt me. And the sad thing is it works.

Im sick of being called a bitch or a bad friend or complicated or anything like that. Becuase its not true.

The past few weekends some friends of mine from chandler have invited me to come hang out with them. And all the time i decline. They get mad and then i turn into the bitch. Well Im sorry i dont want to go over and hang out with 8 guys who will all get drunk and want to get me drunk. Yea thats asking to get raped. So fuck it i dont care if they get mad.

Hopefully there will be a party sometime soon. I want to go out and have some fun and forget about stuff.

I dont know anymore.... I just wish someone cared.......