Ive been staring at this white box for about ten minutes, trying to figure out what i want to write and how to put it. Then i figured that i would just start typing and see where it takes me. I got home from the dance concert about an hour ago. I had a good time tonight for the most part. being with some awesome people (nunemacher, greg, malo) made the night worth it. i never got to spend time with those boys and now i spent a week with them and im glad i did. tonight while cleaning up the scene shop i started thinking about how tonight was filled with alot of "lasts". Like how tonight was the last time i would go out and bow on that stage until next year. Or how it was the last time i would ever get to work with greg and malo before they graduate. How tonight was the last time i would be in that wonderful scene shop that has become a home to me, untill next year. How tonight was the last time i would take something apart that i helped build untill next year. Im missing out on the last 5 weeks of my sophmore year. All the memories and everything, but mostly the time. Im going to miss that place so much. But it will be there next year.

I really hope andrew goes to just desserts tomorrow, becuase it will be the last time i see him before my surgery. I know he is going to come visit me, tedy already talked to him about it, but i want to see him tomorrow. To get that one last hug, and to talk to him alittle.

Just Desserts is tomorrow, im glad i get to go, but its going to be hard for me. Becuase its so hard for me to say goodbye to people. I know its not really goodbye, becuase im sure by the end of next week i will have seen quite a few of them, its hard for me to have to end my year with these people. Hell im practically crying right now just thinking about it. I dont want it to be over. I want to be there, To be there to watch Matthew, Elizabeth, Andrew, Greg, Joey and everyone else take their last bow, and watch the last show they are ever in at mountain pointe. I want to watch the last improv show of the year. I want to go to the ellies. I want, I want, I want, But yet none of this i will have.I wont get to spend anymore late nights at crew. I wont get to drive around with rob and talk, and anyone else who joins us. I wont get to cause trouble, and draw chalk pictures on matt and robs driveways anymore, i wont get to write on the boys car windows with markers anymore. All of that is put on hold untill this summer. But i dont want it to be.

Im going to end this post here for tonight, there is alot more i wanted to write, but i can hardly see the keys or the screen. I hate being like this, i hate being afraid and sad and weak. I hate this so much.