Sometimes i wish i could forget

Tonight was interesting
Scary movie marathon
Fun
Scary
Blah all at the same time
It brought back memories
Bad ones
Count backwards from 100
Go away
why cant i forget
why does it seem like yesterday
Everything i remember so clearly
down to the color of the walls or what i was wearing
and all of it
i wish i could forget
And i havent told anyone any of this
Untill tonight
and most wont know what im talking
so i think i am ok
Hes worried about me
so is chiara
Im sorry
I dont mean to worry you guys
But i guess there isnt much i can do
But you both make me happy
so thats good
All that happened, was bad
None of it was good
it has messed me up in so many ways
and it wasnt just what happened
but the effects of it
I wish it never happened
i wish it would never happen again
But it made me stronger
and weaker at the same time
Its all so vivid
I didnt ask for this
but i cant say its unfair
because that sounds so childish
Sometimes i just wonder why?
But oh well
I cant change it
I just wish the memories would go away
Bright lights
counting
hoping
praying
Being so unsure
and so scared
and yet not caring at the same time
Wishing i could change it all
That i wouldnt be there
that it was a bad place
and i wanted out
but i had to do it
thats what everyone told me
tuesday over now?
Supportive friends make things better
Knowing they love me makes things better
Freaking out and knowing im okay
and they wont judge me makes it bearable
Finally being able to slowly very slowly
let go of some of this stuff ive been carrying around with me
Is okay with me
But scary at the same time
And slowly im getting used to it
I just hope they dont leave
walk away
get scared
by everything
like alot of people
Please just say you'll always be here
Even when im 64?