Tonight was so much fun. I went to kenzie/rowenas birthday party. Parties and pools dont really mix, Someone always ends up in the pool, or there is along going water fight untill multiple people end up in the pool. It all started because matt was spraying taryn with the water gun. Stefanie and matt had already been in the pool earlier, but had dried off. To get matt back because he sprayed taryn, Tedy, Sam and I all dumped water on matt. This started along water fight which was more Matt and Andrew spraying us and us getting wet. Soon Ty, Stef,Matt,Jack and Jenn were in the pool. Joey thought it would be funny to push andrea and tedy in the pool. After we got joey in, Ty tried to throw me in, didnt work so matt helped. Damnit i ended up in the pool, o well it was a blast. Haha the whole thing was so funny. But probably only funny to the 9 of us who ended up in the pool. Well its like 310 and i just got home, so im going to bed, another party and probably a show tomorrow!

XOXO Casey XOXO

So far summer has been good. Granted im only two days into it, but still im glad its been good. I am slowly getting better, last time it took forever to feel better physically, but now its taking forever emotionally and physcologically. I have good days and bad days. Im still dealing with what i went thru and all the stuff that went along with it. I wish i could put it all behind me, but its a process. I have days where im in a dont touch me, dont talk to me just leave me the hell alone type mood, and it seems those are the days people want to be there for me the most. I need space, i need time to deal with this. And when i tell people that i get the "Its bad to bottle it up inside and not tell anyone" type of lecture, i dont need it, ive heard it before, i have it memorized, fine what im doing is bad but leave me the hell alone about it.

Yet never have i really opened up to anyone about any of this before. Becuase its gotten to the point where i feel i cant trust anyone anymore. I cant count on anyone to stick around anymore. Ive been hurt too many times in the past, i thought i had someone to trust, and i opened up and everything i said ends up being told to other people. I cant take being hurt anymore. I hate that i feel i cant trust anyone. I dont know anyone anymore, everyone i thought i knew turned out to be someone different.

Ive been told i have too many problems... what does that mean. that was the reason i lost someone close to me, i had to many problems, they couldnt deal with it. Some friend. All i have ever wanted was to get rid of all the problems. For once in my life to be free of health issues and be a normal teenager. Its what turns people away in the end, and i hate it. I try so hard to be positive about it and say i will be stronger in the end, and it does make me a stronger person, but it brings along so much extra hurt. I dont want any of this. I hate that people make jokes about my health, even when i know they are kidding it hurts. I hate the fact that i am done with this now, but i get to look forward to it again 10 years from now.

I want it all to go away. I want some stability in my life. I want to beable to trust again. I want to feel safe with certain friends again. I want to know that someone will stick around longer than a couple of months. I want the hurt to go away, but i know it will never fully be gone.

Enough self pity. Good Night

The Time is Currently 1:34am, and i am not the least bit tired. Could have something to do with the mad amounts of caffiene i took in, in the past few hours, or the mad amounts of fun i had tonight. Tonight was one of the best nights this year in my book. I went to dinner with a few friends at applebees, we had the coolest waiter ever. His name was sean, pronounced shawn.... he made that clear to us many times while we were there becuase we would joke around and pronounce it the other way. Kaila and I have a tradition of everytime we go to Applebees we leave random stuff with our tip, so tonight we left a bunch of pennies becuase he said he hated pennies, a white gel pen, and a stamp card to seattle espresso. It was alot of fun. We leave applebees, with nothing to do. So we ended up at the movies, which where i usually end up when i dont know what to do. After kaila and i got coffee, and craig and kaley went to the bookstore, we decided to drive around for a while. We ended up playing this game that kaila and i made up, where the passengers close their eyes while the driver goes to a random spot, trying to confuse the blind passengers. it was fun for a while but of course this too bored us after a while. We ended up going to Kaleys house to swim, which was fun for the most part. After swimming we went to Phils house for Joeys graduation party. It was fun i got to watch the boys make fools of themselves because they are way to good at dance dance revolution, and see andrew becuase i havent seen him in quite sometime. Kaley, Kaila and I then drove to the end of Pecos Road becuase we had a half an hour till i had to be home, it was fun. Tonight was fun.


This week is going to be fun, Monday Kaila, possibly kaley and i are going to hang out. Then I have the rest of the week to hang out with people and do as i please, why? becuase its summer and i get to do whatever i want for the next three months. =} exciting! Soon i will get my digital camera and then this thing will be alot of fun!


And i am glad it is finally summer. So much fun is going to be had this summer, it will truly be good for me and something to remember! Yayness. Hehe =P Im in a good mood tonight can ya tell?