Time will heal all wounds

I have the two best friends in the entire world
* they almost get arrested with me
* They cheer me up
* They make me laugh harder than anyone i know
* They are all around good people
* THey are honest with me
* We cuddle and are cute
*They worry about me
* They listen when i need to talk
* they give wonderful advice
* We all love soccer
* They are all around adorable
* I love them both more everyday
* I have a new appreciation for Casey
* There are no akward silences with them
* I have wonderful inside jokes with them
* They make me Very Very Very happy
* I am comfortable with them
* We are ghetto together
* We rock out to music in my car
* Casey singing justin timberlake makes me smile


And so much more. I couldnt ask for anything better. So thank you both very much. SOmetimes i dont know why you put up with me. But im so grateful you do.

Heart Dont fail me now

Yesterday and most of today have been the most wonderful days ever!
Morning:
I picked up the wonderful miss Chiara. Before we left she managed to gracefully fall down her stairs. We headed down a very empty ray road to Starbucks. Coffee was nice after only getting 3 and half hours of sleep the night before. We headed to school, and sang along to the CD she made me. Coincidentally when we walked into school, we were totally awesome and carried our purses on the same arm, our coffee in the same hand and matched. Are we cute or what? We went to first hour, where I got to talk to both her and Casey without getting in any trouble at all. I was very giggly the whole hour. It was an hour and a half of fun, laughing, hair tie fights and talking. The rest of the day was not important

After School:
Chiara and I decided to be wonderful friends and make cookies for our scary movie marathon. We made cute little cookies and laughed a lot. I even took a picture of the cookies. See above. Chiara after taking the first batch out of the oven, said if she could cuddle with cookies she would most definitely cuddle with these. It was the funniest thing I have heard in so long.

That Night:
We then left to pick up Casey. We were ghetto and danced in my car to music all the way. We are ghetto best friends, and coffee and soccer best friends too. Okay so we are all around best friends. And we picked up the other part of our trio. We rocked out to Justin Timberlake all the way to her house. Casey was super cute and knew all the words and danced in the back with the windows down and the music blasting. I love him more and more every day. My best friends are the best ever. Scary movie time. Uh Oh. It was fun. We got scared and so we cuddled. Okay so Chiara and I got scared, and Casey sat between us while we freaked out. But we were cute and cuddled. Don’t you wish you were there? Casey decided to be an ass and scare us like half a million times. But I cant be mad at him, because no matter how bad he scares me, he will turn right around and make me feel better. Got to love it. And I do. 4 hours later, we ended up in the other room, sitting on the couch talking. I zoned out. I was thinking, about a scene in the chucky movie that brought back a lot of bad memories. I fell asleep on Casey for like 20 minutes, which was nice, because I can’t sleep for anything anymore. I drove him home around 1230 and talked. On the way home, I swear I saw someone in my backseat. Which caused me to cry all the way home. I got into my room and talked to Chiara for a long time. I didn’t end up going to sleep until 6.

Turkey Day:
I spent most of the day with Chiara. It was wonderful. She had thanksgiving lunch with us, because we ate really early. And my cousin called me a funny devil. Right… Then I was supposed to go to Chiara’s for dinner but my mom decided I had to stay home. So I’m listening to 99.9 Christmas music and writing this. Today was good. Chiara and I decided what we are doing for the ellies, YAY.

Tomorrow:
Tomorrow brings prospects of fun. Possibly hanging out with Chiara and Casey and then Babysitting with Casey. 6 kids, which will be crazy like whoa. This weekend is going to kick ass I know it

*Things Im thankful for*

1. Casey and Chiara

2. Theater Company and all the fun there

3. Rob jokes

4. How awesome and incredible Chiara is, how she always listens, and is always there, how She will help anyone, and her big heart and wonderful smile. Thank you for everything, you are the best friend I could ask for, I’m so thankful you moved here and we started hanging out. I love you. And thanks for having lunch here today. I am so grateful for everything you have done for me. Thanks for giving me a reason to wake up in the morning.


5. How Casey is always there, if I’m happy or sad, and if I’m sad he will cheer me up without fail. His wonderful smile, and how he is my best friend. His laugh, his jokes, his stories and how he always listens. Letting me sleep on him and our talks at the park. I am so thankful you came into my life. You are also the best friend I could ask for, and I am so grateful for everything you have done for me. Thank you for making me smile and giving me a reason to wake up in the morning.

6. Park nights with casey and Chiara

7. The CCC

8. My health

9. My family(sometimes)

10. Music without it I would go insane

11. Laughing

12. Cookies

13. Coffee

14. Soccer

15. The cold weather

16. My friends

So much more, but I don’t want to type anymore of them. So many things make me happy right now. I love it.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY! Eat lots of food and be happy. There is so much to be thankful for.

Sometimes i wish i could forget

Tonight was interesting
Scary movie marathon
Fun
Scary
Blah all at the same time
It brought back memories
Bad ones
Count backwards from 100
Go away
why cant i forget
why does it seem like yesterday
Everything i remember so clearly
down to the color of the walls or what i was wearing
and all of it
i wish i could forget
And i havent told anyone any of this
Untill tonight
and most wont know what im talking
so i think i am ok
Hes worried about me
so is chiara
Im sorry
I dont mean to worry you guys
But i guess there isnt much i can do
But you both make me happy
so thats good
All that happened, was bad
None of it was good
it has messed me up in so many ways
and it wasnt just what happened
but the effects of it
I wish it never happened
i wish it would never happen again
But it made me stronger
and weaker at the same time
Its all so vivid
I didnt ask for this
but i cant say its unfair
because that sounds so childish
Sometimes i just wonder why?
But oh well
I cant change it
I just wish the memories would go away
Bright lights
counting
hoping
praying
Being so unsure
and so scared
and yet not caring at the same time
Wishing i could change it all
That i wouldnt be there
that it was a bad place
and i wanted out
but i had to do it
thats what everyone told me
tuesday over now?
Supportive friends make things better
Knowing they love me makes things better
Freaking out and knowing im okay
and they wont judge me makes it bearable
Finally being able to slowly very slowly
let go of some of this stuff ive been carrying around with me
Is okay with me
But scary at the same time
And slowly im getting used to it
I just hope they dont leave
walk away
get scared
by everything
like alot of people
Please just say you'll always be here
Even when im 64?

you have no idea

Marry Me Please?

Mmmmm Johnny Depp
Pirates comes out December 2nd
If i could spend my life with one celebrity i would pick him
but he's fourty
SO that would be kind of illegal
Considering im only almost 17
1 month and 1 week
Yay
Today was a very good day
I actually slept last night
Which resulted in a happy casey this morning
Starbucks tomorrow morning
Yum
and then scary movie marathon
interesting
Considering the smallest things scare me
I mean
Nothing scares me.
BRRRR its freezing
My parents are too cheap to turn the heat on
but they arent home so i turned it on
Shhhh..... Its our little secret.....
Tomorrow good
Thanksgiving GREAT. Yum food. Im fat i know :)
Friday babysit 6 kids. What did i get myself into?
Saturday Library and hanging out with 2 wonderful people
Sunday who knows
Fun Fun Fun
This kid in my design tech class thinks teachers should have carwashes to get paid
His opinions were squashed by the editor of the newspaper
I think its funny
Hes annoying and a freshman so its okay
My math teacher was sick and kept denying it, even tho he couldnt talk so it was really obvious
and he looks like drew carey
Some one told me i was spoiled because i drive a lancer
umm no, who has to pay it off starting probably this summer?
Oh wait i do...
And i decided sometime today
some people need to grow up
we arent in elementary school anymore
The games are old
Stop
This guy in my chemistry class was talking about MENSA and how he took the test.
Yea right
Next....
IMPROV show DEC 3rd
Go support some funny kids
Ok thats enough

As a result of something small.........

My day is going a lot better
Its wonderful how a phone call
can make everything better
Im happier now
And there are so many things to look forward to
I had my day
and now its over
thankfully
Thanks casey and chiara, you made today bearable

Seems so long ago

Today was a bad day. I was in a horrible mood due to two measily hours of sleep. I was a bitch to casey, okay i was a bitch to alot of people. I just couldnt deal with stuff. So im sorry.

Ill update again later

Bring me back to reality

Im sorry i cant live up to what you want
or who you thougt i was
Wait....
im not sorry
The only thing im sorry about is that you obviously wished i were someone different

I screwed up big time on saturday night
I hope you guys can forgive me
I need tomorrow night more than anything right now
I need to talk
Im sorry i freaked out
Im so sorry

Tonight was fun
COld and fun
Soccer again
Cute dog
Talks
Wishing casey would have been there
Tomorrow better please?

*Update 10:45*
I cant sleep
these are in no order of prefrence)

10 THINGS I LOVE

1. Casey
2. Chiara
3. Laying on the slide at Sun Ray
4. CCC
5. Laughing
6. weekends
7. Notes
8. Music
9. Theater
10. Soccer games


9 THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO

1. Wednesday night
2. Moving out
3. Being with the CCC
4. Going to California
5. My birthday
6. a hug from casey tomorrow
7. Weekends
8. talking about whats going on
9. Park and talk

8 THINGS I WEAR EVERYDAY

1. Shirt
2. Jacket
3. underwear
4. Bra
5. shoes
6. Pants
7. a hair tie
8. belt


7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. People
2. My house
3. My mom
4. My dad
5. Crying
6. Being unhappy
7. Everything right now

6 THINGS I TOUCH DAILY

1. my computer
2. my bed
3. my friends
4. my lipgloss
5. my pens
6. my car

5 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY

1. Talk to casey
2. Talk to chiara
3. talk online
4. sleep
5. eat

4 PEOPLE I SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH

1. Casey Lima
2. Chiara
3. My family ( iguess i dont know)
4. Myself

3 MOVIES I COULD WATCH AGAIN AND AGAIN

1. A walk to remember
2. 10 things i hate about you
3. Super troopers

2 FAVORITE SONGS OF THE MOMENT

1. Are you happy now?
2. Anything beatles

1 PERSON I COULD SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH

1. Casey or Chiara i cant choose, so i choose both

Do you see that?

"Before i come undone"
Sing me a song
Whistle me a tune
tell me a story
a joke
anything to take my mind away from where i am
I watched the sunrise this morning
It was beautiful
Bad dreams last night
and every night this past week
I havent slept in a week
Which adds to my grumpiness
I hate how songs bring back such vivid memories
There are so many things i could stand to forget
and then i will hear a song
and it all comes back
every detail
of every moment
of whatever happened the first time i heard that song
tell me what i have to do to get out of here
i would do anything right about now
CCC forever
thats the only thing good in my life right now
Last night was wonderful
and sad
and blah
but good all the same
just being around them i feel ok
Like nothing bad will happen to me while im with them
and i need that right now
because the rest of the time
i am scared out of my mind
that my world is going to come crashing down around me
Tonight will be another wonderful night
Im doing all right
i promise

call my name and save me from the dark

Tonight was interesting
I was lost in thought tonight
and lost in memories
that i wish i could forget
I told chiara stuff that i havent ever told anyone
it was weird
I wonder why they stick around sometimes
like what they see in me
because right now i dont see very much in myself
I dont know
i just dont know anymore
and i have to explain everything running through my head to casey tomorrow
because i told him i would
oh and chiara because she will be there
I dont know
they are the reason, right now i have to get up in the morning
Why why why?
I have too many problems
Why do people want to get involved?
I dont want this to be like the other times
being screwed over in the end
But i know it wont
I hope it wont
Its too good and i need it too much
for it to go away
we have so much to look forward too
the three of us
Tonight i realized how greatful i am for them
I heard i love you from them like 40 times
more than i have heard it from anyone else these past few months
I needed to hear it
Just being with them made me feel better
Even tho i was still thinking about everything
It made things seem alittle less scary
and made me feel not so much alone
There is no point to this entry
Its just i cant sleep
and i need something
to keep my mind off everything
Why?