I dont want to go home right now

Life goes on he said. Looking me straight in the eyes, he said that I needed to realize the time we have here is precious. I know, I said quietly. He told me everything happens for a reason”, which tonight was very hard to hear. We don’t always know the reason why, and maybe its because we aren’t meant to, or maybe its because we just haven’t figured it out. There will never be another December 4th 2003 at 8:15pm, it’s a moment that will come and go, that we cant take back, were his next words. When you look back a year from now and remember if you can remember what you were doing at this exact minute, sitting here talking to me about Living life, and death and being sad, are you going to be happy with how you were feeling? I don’t know, I said as I looked away, trying to force back tears. Continuing he said, Life is full of moments we wont ever get back. You have to live each moment as happy as you can be, no matter how hard things get. But I understand, your dealing with things as best you can, and I’m always here for you he said in his reassuring voice. I’m trying is all I could manage to say. Enjoy everything, I feel everything is set in stone; there is no point in worrying about when it’s going to end. You have to live in the moment, and enjoy and have fun, because when it’s over, it’s over. You have to stop looking back at the past so much and look at what you have now. And keep the people you have lost near to your heart and hope they are on to a better place. I just want this week to be over, for things to be happy again I looked him in the eye and told him. Things will be okay, they don’t look like it now, but they will be, his words of wisdom spoken while we sat at that table. And at that moment I believed every word of it.

What am i to fly my kite on?

The dictionary definition of Life is:The interval of time between birth and death

Life: A series of moments, both good and bad.

I consider life to be like a rollercoaster, Never knowing how long you are going to be up or down. And when you go down, everything goes down so quickly. And it keeps going, it never stops for anything. I realized that today. While last night a terrible car accident claimed the life of a 16 year old girl, and put a 17 year old boy in the hospital, life continues. Those left, loved ones, school mates, friends, family are all left to grieve and pray and hope that he is okay, That he will pull through and live. Parents are left to make arrangements that parents should never have to make, friends are left to go through the pain of losing a friend. And yet everything keeps moving. As much as you wish things would stop, they wont. They keep going. You are forced to move ahead, to live your own life, as hard and unfair as it seems.

Today was very hard. Listening to Quinn read that email outloud to the class was one of the worst things i have ever heard. And as soon as i heard the names, my heart dropped, someone i have known since elementary school, and his girlfriend, whom i have talked to a few times, were in a car accident last night. She was killed instantly and He is in the hospital. 16 is far to young to die. so much left ahead, and it was all taken away by one stupid mistake. A stupid mistake, that as rob pointed out, any one of us can make while driving. It just as easily could have been anyone of my closest friends, or even myself. And by academic lab all of this became too much. To know that not only did this affect me, but even more so my closest friends killed me. I just hope he is okay. I wish his family and her family all the luck in the world, i know the feeling all to well of losing a loved one, and today was another time, i had to feel the pain of losing someone i know. Its the worst feeling in the world. One i wouldnt wish upon anyone, but everyone ends up feeling sooner or later.

This brings back so many memories, of losing Nils, my uncle, Tyson. Its hard, i still cant believe its been 2 years since nils passed away. That was the most terrible thing i have ever been through. I miss him everyday. And i think about him everyday. Tyson too. Its been almost 4 years now, and not a day goes by. Life is very very unfair sometimes. But you just realize that you never know whats going to happen, you cant predict when it will be your time to go. You just have to enjoy and make the best of what you have and hope you get many more tomorrows......

Im watching my friends fall apart, slowly. And im trying to stay together to help them. Through all of this hell that goes along with losing someone. Its so hard to watch. So hard to watch people cry, and to talk about everything that happend. But its part of life. Talking is good, im glad i can help people. Its the staying together thing thats chalenging. But im good at it. Atleast i hope. i wish i could wake up tomorrow and all of this would be taken back, but its not going to happen. Life just isnt that easy

I realized that everything seems so petty and stupid. ALl the unecsarry arguements, the fights, the name calling and not getting along. Its a waste of time you could be enjoying life. Things can change so quickly. Life is to short to not tell people how you feel, that you love them, or care for them. Life is to short to stay mad about pointless things, to worry about grades, or a homework assignment that tomorrow will mean nothing. To worry about what someone thinks of you, or if you are liked by everyone.
I leave you with this question
Would you really feel comfortable with how you left things if something were to happen to you tomorrow?

= )

I have the worlds cutest best friends



They make me happier than anyone in the entire world.



Chiara and i take cute pictures of:


Christmas Lights

And

Ducks ( yea that duck is looking at the camera.)
Sadly we havent taken a pic of the two of us yet

Casey and I


Take cute pictures of

Old Couples

and


Lame Liscense Plates

and He is very cute/wonderful/amazing

Because he babysits 6 kids with me, and then we have wonderful conversations once they go to bed.

The three of us
and i still need a picture of that
are wonderfully cute Because we
*Cuddle when its cold
* Talk about everything
* Laugh about everything
* Play UNO at starbucks
* Get lost, i mean misplaced at ASU
* Casey breaks the elevator
* drive around randomly talking
* are getting an apartment together
* take cute pictures( even tho i look crappy)
* eat at 5& Diner once a weekend
* almost get arrested together
* All trust eachother
* and cheer eachother up
* love the Monkees and the beatles and justin timberlake
* are ghetto best friends
*Watch scary movies together
And so much more it isnt even funny


I promise more pictures after the next time we hang out.

Tonight was wonderful fun. I dont want to go to much into it. Just know i was incredibly happy the entire night.
Today we managed to get lost, or misplaced, or just take a wrong turn, however casey wants to put it at ASU going to the library. We see a guy looking at porn on the Computer in the Library. We are cute and have fun and laugh. We went to Starbucks and got coffee.

Thanks for making me feel better you guys. I dont know where i would be without either of you.


* EDIT

WOW first picture i actually take of myself that i like

And i have a new appreciation for Casey and CHiara

I cant listen to Senorita, The monkees or the Beatles, or Britney spears, without thinking of casey. And laughing because he is so adorable cute, and wonderful, when he sings in my backseat, to the songs. Or how he knows the monkees by only listening to the first beat. Or how he listens to everything i say. And i feel completely comfortable around him. He has a wonderful smile and personality. He is always willing to help and doesnt like to see his friends sad. And can tell him anything. And have fun, and laugh and How we are going to get an apartment together. HOW THE HELL DID I GET SO LUCKY??

I cant listen to NElly, or Anything ghetto without thinking of Chiara. She is my soccer buddy, and my coffee buddy. We are ghetto best friends. I feel completely comfortable with her, and we laugh about everything. She loves to take pictures, and we like the same music. She is going to get an apartment with us. She completes the CCC and had she not moved here i would cry. She has a wonderful heart, and is always willing to help. Thanks for everything. We are caseys girls and i am so glad im not alone in that. HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY AGAIN?