So much has gone on in my short 16 years of life. Everyday is such a blessing, and so often people forget that. I dont think people truly realize this untill they are faced with death or a near death expierence, wether it be themselves or someone very close to them.
I dont feel like i can trust people anymore. People lie to much. I lost the ability to fully trust people. I have been hurt far to many times, Abandon far to many times, to let people get close to me anymore.

These past few months has been the hardest for me. I became depressed, I pushed my closest friends away. I was frustrated, sad, angry, losing faith and hope all at the same time. Yet everywhere i went i acted happy. I couldnt let people see how horrible i was doing mentally. I was scared. Scared that i the slim possibility of death would happen and i would leave behind the happiest i had been. For the first time in my life i had found people who truly made me happy. A few people who made me the happiest girl in the world. The week after spring break i started in a downward spiral emotionally. I guess i put on a good act because no one knew the pain i felt. I didnt want to leave my friends, or the one thing that made me happy. I was scared people would forget about me, or that this whole thing would scare them away. Well for a couple of people it did. But the 5 people that mattered most stuck by my side. I dont know why they did, i guess they care about me, Something i really am not used to. It was hard because i felt like the entire time i was lying to them, and i was, in my mind not talking about it would magically make it go away. I have so much going on in my head. But yet i stay positive, or atleast try to.

I feel like i have no one to talk to. i know its not true, its just how i feel right now. i feel like no one supports me, that i lost the support of my friends. I just dont know. Everything has been so hard the past few months. Its summer, and im starting to feel alittle better mentally. Everything will eventually be better.

I Hope.....

Long time since my last post. Lets see lets see. Last week i relaxed and worked on school work. Yes you heard me right i still have school work to do. Blah. Only 3 more finals to go. But a lot of work left. Its the best way to spend a summer vacation i swear. Ive gone out the past few nights, its been fun. I miss seeing alot of people. But there will be sports all summer so i will still get to see them. Talked to matt for a while today, hes in oklahoma for a week or so. Supposably its cooler and rainy. Not Fair. Miss Ya Kiddo.
Haha Jackass is on so im going to go watch it, I will update more later!