rehearsal has been fun! everyone is doing an awesome job! woohoo i just wish i didnt have to be up this early on a saturday

"Sometimes I just feel like, quittin I still might
Why do I put up this fight"
"Sometimes it's hard enough just dealin with real life"
"The pressure's too much man, I'm just tryin to do what's best"
- random lyrics from 8mile by eminem

"Somedays I just wanna up and call the quits
I feel like I'm surrounded by a wall of bricks
Everytime I go to get up I just fall in pits
My life's like one great big ball of shit!"
"All I know is I'm about to hit the wall"
- random lyrics from run rabbit run by eminem

yea so i know i promised happier entries but i lied. To much is going on right now to be happy. Its gotten to the point where i just pretend to be happy. So other people wont see my pain, see everything going on inside me. i am so scared. Im tired of pretending i want to really be happy. to really enjoy everything. i try to, becuase in a few weeks i wont see my friends everyday. hell im scared, scared of what im going to be going thru and scared people will forget about me. everything was ok and now its horrible. ok this sounds selfish, but i dont deserve this, i dont deserve any of this.

Well today went alright, scary as hell but good news came out of it. So i will be at reheasal tomorrow. I do have to have surgery with in the next two months. im nervous. and i feel like i have no one to talk to. I promise happier entries are on their way. goodnight

Yay my comments work, leave me notes please!

Tomorrow is a big day for me and needless to say im scared out of my mind. Thank you to a few people for making it easier for me to handle! i love you all, be safe and i will call and bug a few of you tomorrow.

grr i cant get my comments to work...... can anyone help me??>?

I try to be strong, to not complain alot and not let the things that bother me show. Sometimes i think i try to hard. I shut people out, becuase i get scared. Scared of really opening up to them. Scared that they will find my weakness's. I dont get close to alot of people, i only trust a certain few. And the ones i trust, i am to afraid to ask for help. I dont want people to think im weak, that i cant handle what life throws me. But i think i give off the wrong impression when it comes to this. I can only handle so much.
I need help


I need a hug


I need someone to talk to


I need to know people care about me


I need to hear the honest truth


I need advice


I need to stop saying im fine when im not


I need for someone to realize that even tho i say im fine, im not


I need someone to force me to talk about everything


I need to feel in control again