This fairytale ending Is one of broken dreams

Things are blah right now.
I think that we should be able to turn our brains on and off. Yes good idea. Im having a hard time in school, I cant sit thru the classes and pay attention the whole time. This is going to be a long year. My Friend is considering baseball at the end of this year. My vote NO....... Too Much On My Mind Right Now.....
"This life’s so complicated"

"When I dont believe in Anything"

This week sucks.
The littlest things that normally wont really piss me off really make me mad. Like to the point of where i get so frustrated and need to walk away. And yet at the same time the smallest things make me so happy. Its like a constant up and down. It sucks. I cant stop thinking about certain things, and it upsets me. Some of my friends are worried about me... I dont know what to do to make them not worry becuase i dont really even know why im so upset lately.... And it scares me that people are worried about me.... And i dont know why... Wait i do know why...
I need to firgure things out. and yet at the same time i need people to stop putting me down. because it sucks.... Seriously i think i might have to kick some ass. Like i could actually do that.
Im trying
Believe me
Im Trying

I can always change my name

Why wont things just look up?
Too Much Going on all at once
I dont want to deal with this anymore
But there is nothing else to do besides go on and get through it...
I guess




* Ill be okay

Cant you See My Walls Are Crumbling?

This week has been an interesting one. Alot of Ups and downs.

So much happened last year that i am still dealing with, that i still think about everyday. I am scared that it might repeat its self. I am feeling very scared and lost and confused, all at once. There is so much i cant stop thinking about, and this week has been especially hard. I wish i could talk about it. I wish some one actually cared about what was going on or how i feel about things right now. But i feel like no one does. So i try to push everything to the back of my mind so i can try and be happy when im around everyone.

This week alot of people werent very nice. I am sick and tired of being put down. Or made fun of. No one understands how much certain subjects hurt me. My Health or anything that has to do what has happened in the last year and Suicide are the two topics that people should avoid when they are around me. Those are the two most sensitive subjects, and a few people this week who know that just turn it around and use it to hurt me. And the sad thing is it works.

Im sick of being called a bitch or a bad friend or complicated or anything like that. Becuase its not true.

The past few weekends some friends of mine from chandler have invited me to come hang out with them. And all the time i decline. They get mad and then i turn into the bitch. Well Im sorry i dont want to go over and hang out with 8 guys who will all get drunk and want to get me drunk. Yea thats asking to get raped. So fuck it i dont care if they get mad.

Hopefully there will be a party sometime soon. I want to go out and have some fun and forget about stuff.

I dont know anymore.... I just wish someone cared.......

I was reading Guillermo' Blog and found this so i thought i would do it too!


Firsts.

First car: An '83 mustang metalic blue (a piece of crap)

First date:A 7th grade dance with a boy named geoff

First real kiss: Havent had one yet..... (Sad I know)

First break-up:None Yet

First job: Babysitting

First screen name: Happygirly456 which is still my screen name

First self purchased album: LeAnn Rimes

First funeral: My Loser Uncle

First pets: A Cat named Tanker, we named him that because he was so fat.

First piercing/tattoo: I had my ears pierced in the 5th grade but they closed up

First True Love: A boy named joey in the 5th grade if that counts lol

First enemy: A girl named casey in the 5th grade

First musician you remember hearing in your house: The Beatles

Lasts.

Last cigarette: A Very long time ago

Last big car ride: two weeks ago when i went to tucson


Last good cry: A while ago

Last movie seen: Pirates of the caribbean

Last beverage drank: Fruit Punch

Last food consumed: a burger for lunch

Last crush: Someone who shall remain nameless

Last phone call: Rob

Last time showered: Last Night

Last shoes worn: Sandals

Last cd played: Counting Crows

Last item bought: A Knife Last Night

Last annoyance: Me

Last disappointment: Me

Last time wanting to die: The End of last school year

Last time scolded: Yesterday, dont know if would count as a scolding probably more of being put down

Last shirt worn: Red Halter

Last website visited: Guillermo's